Rock and a Hard Place

Ever wonder if you are in control of your life? I don't know about you but my past seems to control my thoughts and actions for days at a time. To say nothing of the wants, needs and demands of my family, who's life is this really?
Sure I say I can let go of the past. I say I can forgive. But have I really? Hard to say. I frequently recall the decision to leave my longtime employer. This was a company I loved, I found my identity in, I grew up in. It was hard to realize that while I had a fierce allegiance to my job and company, the feeling was not reciprocated. Sure, that felt like a kick in the teeth but I still managed to do my job every day and do it well. I had the respect of my coworkers and colleagues. Then it came to time just leave. I abruptly put in my two weeks. I worked up the nerve to tell my boss why I was leaving. You questioned my integrity I said. I would like to forgive you for that. I was justified in my actions, was the response, I was doing my job. Ouch!
So why, after a year, do I still have hard feelings? Whether you believe in God or a higher power, sometimes there are situations that are just out of your control. I was a control freak. I need a twelve step program for my controls issues! This company had always been my rock and then I was in a hard place.
I decided that I was not going to tolerate being disrespected anymore and I refused to bring home feelings of resentment. No way I was going make my home as toxic as it was at work.
So why am I still not over it? Contol issues, God still working in me? Who knows. But I have my faith as a mom that something better came from that hard place. I think I am better for it. I know my family is better for it. Best of all, I was able to experience and witness things with my kids that I would have missed. So, all you moms out there struggling with this, that or the other thing, have faith. Something will change, always does!